Discussion: Parents and Grandparents in YA

"I often forget I'm not so young anymore," Gemm continued. "My body is the only thing that remembers." She stroked her own cheek, kneading at the wrinkles there. "Every choice I ever made, everything I did, my body kept a record. It tells me stories, and I have to remember to listen."

Gemm touched Lo's chin again, but gently now. "Make your body strong, Lo, and it will thank you, now and when you're an old woman like me." She leaned forward, her voice urgent. "Keep it sick, and you might not live long enough for it to tell you stories."

Gemm wrapped her arms around Lo, and she surrendered, the tears and saliva from her sobs blending together on her grandmother's shoulder.

– TIDES
by Betsy Cornwell

My first discussion post!

So, when I read Tides by Betsy Cornwell last week (you can find my review here), I was so surprised by the presence of the grandmother of the MC. As the MC and his sister, Noah and Lo, were away from home for the summer and living with their grandmother, we didn't really get to know their parents at all, but we got to know their grandmother very well, and she was a lovely character and fairly central to the story. It got me thinking about grandparents in YA...

Well, where are they?

Apart from Tides, I cannot think of a single book I've read where the grandparents were particularly present. (I vaguely recall seeing a grandmother in Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell... I'm not sure if I'm remembering that correctly. Not sure she did much, if she was there. Oh, and there's a grandmother in The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender too, but I mean, if you've read that book you'll know it's probably quite different from the sort of thing I'm thinking of.)

I don't know what other people's experiences are like, but my grandparents are quite present in my life! My paternal grandparents, especially, who took care of me when I was little and my parents worked long hours; I see them about as often as I do my mum (not my dad, since my parents are now divorced and my dad works in Shanghai). My maternal grandma died some years ago but I still see my maternal granddad once a week when I'm back in Hong Kong.

Now, I realise that my experience is probably vastly different from most people's, but I wouldn't mind seeing more YA stories where the grandparents feature more often. It would be so refreshing! There are so many YA stories where the parents aren't around as often – why not have a grandparent step in sometimes? It might be helpful for a teenage character to hear the perspective of their grandparents instead of their parents!

While we're talking about grandparents, let's talk about parents too! Like I said, my parents are divorced, and I always like seeing divorced parents in YA. Most of the time, I can relate, and if not, I like seeing how these fictional situations might differ from my own, to see how, in some ways, I've been very lucky.

It kind of hurts me, sometimes, to see parents in YA who are still really happily together and very affectionate towards each other, but it's pleasing too, since that was something I didn't really get to see with my parents. I like being able to read about it in books, to know that yes, other people's parents do make it and live happily ever after. This seems a bit rarer in YA books, I think. A lot of books tend to deal with parents who are either divorced or who fight a lot or don't seem to like each other very much. 

Then there are the books where one parent is dead / has died recently, and that happens a lot too in YA. I suppose that creates for interesting drama and a good emotional character arc, but it's not really my favourite trope.

Of course, I know that part of the point of all the parents who are kind of out of the picture in YA is because YA stories are about growing up. The space just before adulthood, when you have to start figuring out how to be independent and how to solve problems on your own. But not all stories portray this in exactly the same way; some, like Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe do it very successfully by integrating the parents even more, and showing that as a teenager, it's time to learn to look out for your parents the way they look out for you.

I like to read about supportive parents who are interesting characters in their own right. It's always helpful to me, and I think it might also help other teens to think about their parents as real people too. It's often something we fail to do as teenagers, and I like books which remind us of that (that's why I really liked Cath's dad in Fangirl, and I love the parents in Ari & Dante). I just love books where characters have a good relationship with their parents. This is rare in YA, but when the relationship is well-written, it adds so much to the book, and it's all the more precious for being rare.

Dante and I were cursed with parents who cared. Why couldn't they just leave us alone? What ever happened to parents who were too busy or too selfish or just didn't give a shit about what their sons did?

– ARISTOTLE AND DANTE DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

It's your turn!

Were your grandparents around much in your teenage years? (Or if you're still a teenager, are your grandparents around much?) Would you like to see more grandparents in YA?

Who are your favourite fictional parents? Is there a particular 'type' of parent/parental situation you'd like to see more of in YA? (There are so many things I haven't mentioned: stepparents, adoptive parents, parents who are same-sex couples, parents who are just never there...)

If you know about any good YA books which feature grandparents, please do let me know in the comments!